


I'm On My Back Again

by killyourstarlings



Series: How to Factory-Reset Your Demon [6]
Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Drunk Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fingerfucking, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Smut, Strap-Ons, and it's a little difficult for lilith but we'll see how she handles it, anyway enjoy!, basically lilith and zelda are drunk and decide to try something new, she wants to do her best for zelda ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 21:45:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19385233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killyourstarlings/pseuds/killyourstarlings
Summary: "And she was violently gorgeous, in that moment: lamplit and glowing lavish, hair shining where it hung around her eyes, straps pulled tight at her pale skin.  And she bit at her lip as though she had something in her way, and watched Lilith’s expression, and waited.And Lilith couldn’t say no to that, so she opened her legs."Zelda gets her turn with a strap-on.





	I'm On My Back Again

* * *

_I'm on my back again._

_It's seeming more and more like all we ever do_

_Is see how far it bends, before it breaks in half and then_

_We bend it back again._

\- “WHEN I WAS OLDER” by Billie Eilish.

* * *

“ _Mm-_ ”

“Too hard?”

“-fuck, no-” Lilith cut herself off with another kiss, robbed off Zelda’s swollen lips without a hint of resistance.  Head shaking lazily, she muttered, “No, it’s perfect.”

Perfect pink lips smirked against hers; Zelda’s nails sank into her skin, piercing out a _moan_ …

The door rattled and creaked beneath their pressure, bouncing against Lilith’s head where Zelda held her pinned to the hardwood, laced her with wine-ridden kisses.  Her teeth made rough imprints on Lilith’s skin and her tongue soothed over the marks, partners in crime, moving in tandem like symphony work.  And there under her skirt, one hand buried nails into Lilith’s ass — the other caught beneath her thigh, drawing her leg snugly around Zelda’s waist.

They were drunk in the hallway.  They could’ve been drunk in the bedroom by now, but Lilith struggled backward with the doorknob…

Zelda groaned, pulled Lilith flush against her hips and ground against her as though no one could’ve seen them — and she was always like this, drunk — just a terrible tease and impossible to stop.  Inhaling, Lilith found a fresh grip on the doorknob and fumbled with it-

“Zelda-”

“Hm?”

“-distracting me,” Lilith whined, and kissed her again despite herself — because she was sour like blackberries and soft like bathwater and Lilith could drown in the shallowest bit of her, and it was nightmarish, trying to do anything with Zelda around.

“ _I’m_ -mm, distracting you?” Zelda asked between breaths, forehead burned to Lilith’s and rolling her hips.  “From what?”

“From the door-”

And the doorknob twisted loose and Zelda fell over her, the pair of them stumbling into the bedroom at a stance just barely upright.  Zelda’s footsteps tripped over her own and Lilith grinned under her frustrated kiss — opened her mouth to say something about Zelda’s gentle nature, until they blindly hit the foot of the bed.  Lilith fell headfirst to the mattress, but Zelda caught her, as she often did.

Chuckling with the bouncing bed, Lilith opened her eyes to the dimmed room, to the shadow hanging over her.  Zelda looked down on her comfortably, shoving curls behind her ears to keep them out of Lilith’s face.  Lilith only watched her struggle for a moment before snatching her by the collar, pulling her back down to kissing distance…

Then it was all gleeful and quiet, only the hall light tethering them to a reality that wasn’t just contact and warmth.  Scooting, scooting, up the bed and Lilith’s head found a pillow at Zelda’s guidance — and Zelda kissed her down into it until her ears were muffled, and sighed warm noise all around her.

“Too beautiful,” Zelda muttered, delirious and reaching under Lilith’s skirt, searching for lace.  “You are _too_ beautiful.”

Lilith hummed at the praise without arguing — a skill she’d been practicing, reception — and lifted her hips for Zelda to tug her underwear down.  There was a moan when Zelda returned to her mouth, and a full-bodied _groan_ when her fingers found Lilith’s skin…

“Sat- _gods_ ,” Lilith breathed, alcohol slipping between her words and Zelda’s fingers between her folds.  She shook her head against the pillow, eyes scrunched shut, finding her kiss again.

Excruciating, Zelda dipped in and out of her at a glacial pace, just teasing at her edges and tearing her to pieces.  Two fingers ventured a bit further and Lilith sighed, ripped at Zelda’s collar until it could have come off in her hands — pulled her so deep that she might not come back again, and Lilith gushed at the intrusion, ached over her fingers.

And perhaps it was the clear arousal at her hands, or perhaps the time she’d been waiting, but Zelda was suddenly rutting herself against Lilith’s leg in a slow, desperate rhythm — a waltz of long jumps and short drags, breaths joining the dance and _jolting_ with her hips, with her hand as she plunged three fingers into Lilith-

“ _Fuck_ ,” wrenched out of Lilith, pulsing around Zelda.  She nodded insistently.  “More…”

Humming at her lips, Zelda pulled back to look at her, just little shapes in the dark.  “Do you want to try…”

Her words died off like fireflies, one at its lovely time.  Lilith knew exactly what she wanted.

“Yes,” Lilith said, reflexively.

That put the perfect smile back on Zelda’s face, and she kissed her again — one long thing racing over her mouth, punctuated — before rolling off the bed.

A hint of nerves played at the pulses in Lilith’s fingers as she watched Zelda go, clumsily kicking her shoes off along the way.  The room was suddenly warm with lamplight, and Lilith averted her eyes while Zelda rooted through the bedside drawers.  She turned her attention to escaping her dress, unzipping it halfway down before finding herself out of reach.

“Could you-”

Zelda anticipated her need and stopped the search to return to her side; she eased the zipper down, fingertips brushing Lilith’s skin with the intention of tickling.  Lilith chuckled, maybe anxiously — took over the work from there, keeping her gaze ahead.  She slid out of her dress, ignoring Zelda in the corner of her vision…

She lay down and met the ceiling again, comfortably.  Very specific, very unfamiliar noises filled the air — she was too drunk to identify them, so they fell past her ears and she let them go on their way — instead staring up ahead, a little dry off the waning contact high, a little more nervous, a little blurry — swelling with deep breaths, listening to those instead because they were constant, knowable patterns…

_She won’t hurt me._   Lilith echoed it, her mantra.

Then she appeared between Lilith’s legs, and Lilith let herself look.

And she was violently gorgeous, in that moment: lamplit and glowing lavish, hair shining where it hung around her eyes, straps pulled tight at her pale skin.  And she bit at her lip as though she had something in her way, and watched Lilith’s expression, and waited.

And Lilith couldn’t say no to that, so she opened her legs.

Zelda’s eyes widened at the sight, hands spreading over Lilith’s knees — brought one in for a kiss, then worked her way down the inside.

“Tell me to stop,” she said, stamping love up Lilith’s slender legs.  She hardly looked up to add, “If it gets to be too much, tell me.”

Lilith nodded it off, spread herself more.

That likely wasn’t the response Zelda wanted, but she accepted it in her distraction, marking her way along Lilith’s inner thigh, lifting her leg for better access.  Lilith ached with anticipation as Zelda inched lower to find where her leg met her hips.

Her tongue found that reactive spot, and Lilith’s leg curled around her instinctively — held her in place despite the tickle, suffered through it for the pleasure.  She did flinch when Zelda’s nose found her edge and breathed chills over her, and that had Zelda giggling, and that tickled _worse_ …

A kiss over her cunt — another for good measure, and then another — and then she was just kissing at her, Lilith dripping at her touch and letting her eyes roll shut.  She locked onto the sensation as Zelda dipped her tongue inside her, warm and always unexpected, always warm.  Out again, licking her lips, and brushing inside, so easy…

Then a moment too soon, Zelda tried to draw back, but Lilith’s hand flew down to hold her there for a little longer.  She could feel Zelda’s smile against her as she bore down on Lilith’s cunt, stealing a moan from deep within her, a surprise to both of them.  Her teeth played lightly over Lilith’s clit and Lilith throbbed, rising up to her mouth…

Only once Lilith’s hand relaxed, when her whole being relaxed, did Zelda pull away.

“Lilith?”

Lilith hummed, opened her eyes; she craned her neck to look down at Zelda, who observed her pensively.  Zelda straightened up, strap-on back into view.

“Okay?” she asked, careful.

Studying the object, Lilith bit into her lip, but only until she remembered not to expose herself like that.  She swallowed, nodded despite herself — despite the gag reflex that toyed with her throat.

This would be good.  This would be easy.

A small smile in response and Zelda, with a hand on Lilith’s knee, moved into position.  Her fingers gave a slight squeeze as she eased the tip into Lilith — and Lilith shut her eyes instantly.

_She won’t hurt me_ , she remembered, repeated to herself.  _Let her take control.  She won’t hurt me._

Further, deeper, and the familiar sensations made way — the pressure, the fullness, the stretch.  It was an old muscle being exercised, an old friend reacquainted.  It was like swimming, but she was the pool; like heaven, and she the gates.  It was… good.  She’d done this before, in another life.

Zelda took her hands, and Lilith’s eyes snapped open at the contact, to find Zelda antsy in place as she waited to move.  Lilith tugged at her wrists, a go-ahead, and Zelda began a slow, rolling motion inside her…

“Tell me to stop.”

“I will,” Lilith assured her, though she couldn’t imagine stopping her now.  Zelda knelt flushed all over, clearly beginning to enjoy herself as she rocked onto the toy herself — hissing as she bucked her hips in quick, cautious movements…

Then she moaned, and Lilith loved that sound.  She’d do anything for it.

Feeling as though she should reciprocate, Lilith did begin to rock her hips, though the motion kept wanting to die out.  She kept it strident nonetheless, here for Zelda, ripping those moans out of her, chasing her pleasure like some escaped thing she could cage and keep well-fed.

She clamped her eyes shut, attempting to lose herself in the motion — not to think about it too strictly, but to let it happen.  Zelda’s noises helped her to feel accomplished, here, rather than pinned to the mattress and stuck still, which was another prominent notion in her mind at this moment.

_Focus.  It’s good.  It’s easy._

And she was soaked, somehow, because it did feel good — and there was this pinprick of pleasure that Zelda kept hitting, more now that her rhythm had gone jagged, breach aching ragged.  It felt _good_ , and she’d felt it before, on the occasion — a fleeting sensation of delight in the undercurrent, beneath the static of groaning and thrusting, and shouting, and a tinge of pain…

“Fuck, Lilith…”

…and kicking, and jeering, and biting, and slapping…

“ _Yes_ -”

…and dragging, and fucking, and _fucking_ her…

Hands tightened on hers, trying to pull her out of the deep.  “Gods, I love you-”

“I love you.”

…and fucking her open against the wall, and fucking her broken into the floor — over a railing, bend her backward and watch her flail, watch her beg for help — watch her go silent when she’s dry of begging, watch the ceiling go bleary and gone, and where did it _go?_ Where did it _always_ go when she needed it?

“Lilith?”

And Zelda, and Zelda’s hands, her _hands_ — her hands were too tight — it was all too tight, get _out, get off — stop, don’t fuck it over — this is good, this is **easy** , she likes it, she needs it-_

“Lilith, look at me-”

“- _stop_ ,” Lilith choked out, ripping her hands out of Zelda’s and attempting to push her off, in a flurry of, “stop, get _off_ me, stop-”

“Lilith, I’m-”

“-please, _please_ get off- no more-”

“I’m off, look, I’m off,” Zelda assured her in one breath, back on her knees and completely untouching Lilith.  She raised her hands to show herself — to prove that she’d stopped.

She’d stopped.

“What happened?  Are you all right?  Look at me…”

Lilith forced herself upright, heart racing and she’d just now noticed it — pulse beating in her brain, breath barely coming in at all.  She blinked her vision back into focus, though it took a couple tries — and then she locked onto Zelda…

And Zelda studied her with teary eyes, flitting over her, head to toe, as though she’d hurt her.  And Lilith realized she’d terrified her.

“I’m sorry,” fell fresh from her lips, apologies like bandages Lilith threw over everything.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay, don’t- don’t apologize,” Zelda stammered hollowly, tears running over now; but she realized and wiped them away with shaky hands.  She cleared her throat.  “It’s not your faul- not your fault.  It’s…”

Her gaze was so desperately sad, then, as her hands itched at something in the air — started and stopped, as if she craved something, and Lilith realized she hadn’t finished-

“Can I- I-”

“Of course-”

“-st want to hold you,” Zelda explained, hoarse and just shy of touching her.  “Can I touch you?  I won’t do anything else; it’s _over_.”

Lilith blinked at her, breaths leveling out.  Her jaw relaxed; she jerked a nod, reaching for her already…

With permission, Zelda guided Lilith’s knees down to the bed — and Lilith only flinched a little bit, to her pride.  Her arms stretched for Lilith to sink into them, and she did, no persuasion required as she felt her whole being ache from lack of touch, lack of fullness, lack of relief.

“-to tell me to stop; you have to-” Zelda went on as Lilith buried her face in Zelda’s shoulder.  It may have been subconscious, but she rocked Lilith the faintest bit, forward and back  “You can’t _disappear_ like that.  I could’ve…”

_Raped me_ , Lilith finished for her, saying the word where Zelda wouldn’t — where neither of them would, aloud.  _You could’ve raped me._

And she didn’t.

Zelda had stopped.  Lilith asked her to stop, and she stopped, and that was miraculous in its own small way.  She felt that fact nestle in the pit of her stomach, and only that — emptiness, but emptiness from a lack of terror, and new, and all she’d ever wanted — to stop holding her breath and to _exhale_.

No one had ever stopped for her, before.

“Thank you.”

“-live with myself if I- what?” Zelda cut herself off mid-stream, sounding incredulous as she peered down at Lilith.  “What could you _possibly_ be thanking me for?  Lilith, we shouldn’t have even tried this- we’re… drunk, and you weren’t ready-”

“ _Thank you_ ,” Lilith said more permanently, muffled in her shoulder but still sound.  She inhaled hard, shivered it out.  “For stopping.”

Zelda said nothing at that.  Lilith bit lightly into her arm, tried to stop her teeth from chattering.

A moment passed, and Zelda’s voice broke over some word that didn’t make it even half-out — and she tried, she clearly tried to think of something, and maybe if she were sober, she would have, but she wasn’t, so she couldn’t, so she didn’t.  Instead, she buried her face in Lilith’s hair and hissed out a tearful breath…

And it was dark, here buried in her arms, and it was dangerously silent, and Lilith was bare in her arms, exposed like the wound of their relationship that she often seemed to be.  And she sat on the near edge of humiliation for being unable to blossom under Zelda’s gaze, to flood her with trust and give her everything she had, absolutely _everything_ she deserved…

But she felt safe.

Despite all the ache, and the discomfort, and the failure, she felt safe.

“Are you all right?”

Lilith inhaled a sharp breath, fluttered her damp lashes against Zelda’s shoulder.  “I think so.  I’m…”

And she stopped herself, too, from apologizing — because she didn’t have to apologize, now.  Zelda kept _telling_ her that.

They sat there together for centuries, it seemed, locked in their place on earth, her arms around Zelda’s arms around her.  And Lilith trusted her; and she leaned into her, and let the tears slip over, and trusted that she wouldn’t turn her over — wouldn’t throw her to the cliffs and break her at her joints for her own amusement — wouldn’t deprive her of love and wouldn’t press love to her like stamps — wouldn’t bend her past the point of return, ever.

_She won’t hurt me_.

Like a mantra, every day, she reminded herself.  And if she forgot, Zelda remembered.

**Author's Note:**

> So. That's something I've had in the works since May!
> 
> This is the first oneshot I'd say is kind of dependent on the rest of the series, so if you're confused at all, take a peek at some prior chapters? Either way, thanks so much for reading and be sure to leave your thoughts! :)


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